Doctor Orgasmus done in Spades Ch. 01
"Oh no! For Christ's sake," the Hatter said. "Not that stupid girl again!"
"Do you know her?" Nicola asked in surprise at the situation.
"Why of course I don't know her!" he yelled incredulously slamming his hand down on the table and dropping his tea glass.
His reaction was well over the top. As if he had received a profound insult. With his exaggerated gesticulations, his oversized top hat fell forward to cover his eyes.
"How would I know such a girl? How could you suggest that I am acquainted with the likes of her?"
"But, you just said...," Nicola answered confused. "I mean, I just thought..."
"Well mind your freaking manners, young lady," the Hatter said. "It is rude to insult your host," he said grabbing the empty tea-glass and making all gestures to sip, squinting his eyes with pain as if the nonexistent contents were hot.
He was of course utterly Mad. And Nicola was confused.
--
A long silence transpired. He was obviously preoccupied.
"This tea doesn't taste of anything," he looked into the empty tea glass. Then, changing his temperament in a split second he looked up at the girl in front of him, "Would you like some cake?"
She looked across the large table. No cake or anything resembling a cake was visible.
"No, thank you. But I wouldn't mind some tea."
"Help yourself. The teapot is completely empty. And cold," he said in keeping with the absurdness of the situation.
Nicola grabbed the teapot so as not to insult him further.
"Where did you say you were from?" the Hatter asked rather matter-of-factly.
"Well, I didn't," Nicola answered. "I mean, I didn't tell you yet."
The Hatter slammed his teacup on the table again furiously.
"OK, ok," he said with a disgusted and frustrated expression and shaking his head, making the hat cover his eyes once again. "There you go being snarky!"
"But, I..."
"Tell me, Deary, why do you have such a funky accent?"
It was true. Nicola had a very thick accent. That she can't deny. The language in Hearts is rather difficult, and she couldn't conceal it.
"I am from Seven. Seven of Spades. I think."
"Never heard of it," he looked into his empty glass, not even registering what she just said.
"Well, to be honest, I am quite confused. I don't know what I am doing here. I woke up under that tree over there," she pointed to a large oak tree. "And here I am."
"Uh-hum," was all the Hatter said, but not following her explanations or conversations in the slightest.
He seemed at that moment to slip out of the existence of the present. His thoughts were elsewhere. Then as if he had forgotten all the previous interchange with Nicola, his demeanor suddenly changed to being cheery again.
"Would you like some more empty-tea?" he interjected lugubriously.
"No thank you," she said politely as if responding to a legitimate question.
The Hatter didn't seem to hear her.
--
There was another long silence between them. The Hatter was lost in his thoughts looking off across the distant horizon. Nicola followed his gaze to where he was looking. The landscape was of lush rolling hills. From their vantage point seated at the long messy table in the backyard of Hatter's humble house, they could see for miles.
What a curious character Nicola thought. At once he seemed an utter lunatic, but then could be capable of moments of profound intensity. Lunacy is like that, isn't it? There is a fine line between brilliance and insanity. But, he was hiding something. What was it?
We all hide something. Don't we? Nicola thought about her secrets. She was not all that she appeared. No, my dear reader. Nicola was in fact nothing as she seemed. Indeed, appearances and actions can deceive. Profoundly. Soon, we will learn about Nicola. Soon we would learn all about her purpose in Hearts. Even she would learn soon.
As Nicola contemplated the view out on the vast moor, it occurred to her that this was a privileged spot for such an unassuming character as the Hatter. Very privileged indeed. It was an especially strategic vantage point with the tensions between Clubs and Spades on two fronts. These were times when it seemed the kettle could burst into war at any moment.
---
The Hatter seemed to suddenly snap back into the present and assumed his role as before as an aloof "jester".
"And why are you dressed with that," he paused looking at her visible body, " ... scanty transparent tunic, young lady? "
Nicola looked down at herself. Until this moment, she had not thought about how revealing her clothing was. Her dress short, barely covering her shaved hairless pussy, and was of a white thin transparent fabric. She had nothing underneath so her body was clearly visible. Her breasts were small, but her nipples were long and hard, poking out in an erotic way.
But why was she dressed like this? Or more "undressed" like this! This was similar to her nightie but more transparent. She had no idea. She was so confused. Her last thoughts were of her heading to bed, and then all of a sudden she woke up underneath the tree. At first, she had been startled, but then when she saw the Hatter sitting at this table she came over, and now she was calmer. She imagined that somehow she would find her way home soon. But, she was in no particular hurry.
She had notions of her home in Spades. Of the eternal war between Spades and Clubs that was taking its toll on her hometown.
"Well, I don't know, I just woke up under..." she started to repeat her explanation from before but was cut off by the appearance of a young man that at once looked like a large oversized hare.
She was startled because he did not seem to be wearing clothing or an outfit. He was completely naked, and his cock was long, straight, and fully erect. He had large bunny ears that bent and flapped in front of his face. Even in the surreal situation, her immediate thought was that she could only admire how cute the hare's large hard cock was.
"Ah, Hare! You are finally here!", the Hatter interjected genuinely happy to see the Hare, almost expectedly. "I am so glad you could join us. Where have you been?"
The Hare seemed to be surprised or maybe even disconcerted by Nicola's presence. He was obviously not accustomed to the presence of a young woman in Hearts. In fact, he was speechless by her beauty. Since he had always remembered being naked, he didn't even seem to question the fact that his permanently erect cock was on display in front of this beautiful girl.
Upon seeing Nicola, his original purpose of meeting with the Hatter seemed to be greatly diminished.
"You were going to say something, Hare?" the Hatter asked.
"Uhm," stuttered the Hare, now preoccupied completely with the appearance of this young beautiful girl.
His eyes moved between the Hatter and Nicola. It was apparent that his original plan of a private meeting with the Hatter now seemed the furthest from his mind.
"Let me introduce you to our guest," the Hatter said waving his arm towards Nicola. "Uhmm, what did you say your name was, Deary?"
"Nicola", she responded.
"Pleased to meet you," the Hare said bowing and with much education. "Hare, here" he responded rather clumsily, as his large floppy ears jerked downward and brushed against her face.
The Hare then squatted on the chair in front of Nicola, with his arms curled up just under his chin, which gave the impression of a poor interpretation of a bunny rabbit. His squatting position produced an erotic effect since his cock seemed to stick out even more and exposed his sexy arse. She couldn't help but stare at it. He was really a young man in the end if it were not for his silly large ears, the tail sticking out of his arse, hair covering some of his back, and his oversized feet.
In any case, she thought the effect of half-man and half-hare was becoming. How could this happen? What a strange place this was, she thought. His front was definitely human, and she found his cock not only cute but actually quite sexy. She did all she could to turn her head away.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the Hatter.
"I say! Where have you been, Hare? I have been waiting for you!" questioned the Hatter impatiently.
"I was helping the White Rabbit resuscitate that stupid blonde girl. Do you know? The one called Alice that appeared her the other day," he responded with a display of disgust. "That floozy ate too many of those mushrooms again, but this time her tits became as large and hard as watermelons."
"Oh no! She must be the one that just ran by here a little while ago!" Nicola exclaimed surprised at the ill-fortune of the hapless naked blonde girl.
"Yeah, that's the one! What a ticket! Well, her tits knocked her out cold," the Hare reported. "It took her at least 10 minutes for her to regain consciousness!"
"Oh my!" Nicola showed her empathy. "Is she ok?"
"She'll be fine! She is fucking the Rabbit now," replied the Hare rather matter-of-factly.
"I must say," interjected the Hatter. "She fucks just like a Rabbit! If you know what I mean? She hasn't stopped bouncing on cocks since she got here! She's a freaking machine!"
Nicola didn't know what was more absurd, the Hatter or this Hare that was half-man, half hare. This all didn't make any sense.
"And, we seem to be invaded by young girls these days," the Hatter proclaimed. "First that floozy, and now you. What is Hearts coming to?"
"I beg your pardon," Nicola responded with some offense taken.
"Ok, granted," the Hatter responded as if she was asking and his statement was legitimate and unquestionable. "You are forgiven!"
--
Between some banal talk, the three settled into the absurd conversations of the "empty-tea" party as if there were a deep purpose. It was all too clear that neither the objectives nor the outcomes would be of any consequence. But it was no matter, it was for the mere show.
Nicola thought of the summits hosted back in her hometown of Spades. It was to try and curtail the rising disaster of "Hormone change". An international agreement between the four continents of Spades, Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs was needed urgently. Everybody was getting hotter and hornier. The women were breaking out in hot sweats, always flushed and wetter than normal. The men had constant hardons and needed cold showers. Global body temperatures had slowly crept up beyond 2 degrees Celsius and there was beginning to be a true concern.
Proponents for curtailing "Hormone change" argued that it was caused by men - literally. This had to stop. Changes were needed urgently in their behavior and actions so that global body temperatures could be kept within normal levels. If not, the flood-waters "down there" would continue to rise, risking making an absolute mess of everything.
However, at such summits (for example the "Hormone-change Summit in Seven of Spades" last year") promises were made only to be undermined by erotic movies, books, and magazines produced by Diamonds. There seemed to be no way to control "Hormone change".
Nicola, for her part, was coming to accept the consequences. She was always moist down there. She didn't really know if it was caused by men or not. Nor was she in a position to fully appreciate if her hormones were changing or if she was always like this. Was it always "hot"? Was she always flushed like this?
"Who cares?" she thought. All she knew was that she was flushed at the moment. All she could think about was the large erection of the Hare. Hormone change or not, she was attracted to the cuteness of the Hare's cock and would love to be able to put it in her mouth. Although she was still a virgin, she would even like to know what it would feel like to have it inside her.
Nonetheless, someday, someone will need to solve the problem of "Hormone change", Nicola thought. The heat was getting unbearable!
--
As the Hare squatted on the chair with his arms bent up under his chin like a bunny rabbit, he could not help but to continually steal glances at Nicola. Something had happened profoundly in him the first moment he saw her. He never felt this way before. Was he falling in love with this lovely young girl? But he was a Hare! Well, sort of. He was also a man.
He had suddenly become so confused about who he was. His large ears flapped down and one covered his eye.
His purpose for being here in the backyard of the Hatter at once seemed secondary. It was supposed to be a matter of important business. Stately matters. Plans for events of utmost urgency. However, all that suddenly changed. Now, his thoughts were existential. His attention had been abruptly diverted. He was now distracted by this semi-naked girl who had challenged his world-view.
Not only had he been attracted to her from the first moment, but he began to have self-doubts about who he was. Never before had he questioned his own being, nor who he was. Yet, here in the absurd "empty-tea" party of the Hatter, he was pondering the very nature of who he was.
What was happening to him? he always imagined falling in love with a Hare or a cute bunny rabbit. He imagined his dream bunny with her fluffy tail, white fluffy ears, and a cute pink nose. He never imagined being with a girl! Besides, "what would his parents think?" he thought.
What the hell is he thinking? What parents? He just realized, he doesn't have any notion of having parents. He only remembers Doctor Orgasmus. It was the Doctor who cared for him when he was young. He remembers something about Doctor Orgasmus, but not very much.
It all came together at that moment. It was like an epiphany. The key is Doctor Orgasmus. But where was the strange and mysterious Doctor now? All else didn't matter. The Hare realized that he must find the doctor before it was too late.
He shrugged his shoulders and decided to forget it all.
"Fuck it," he said to himself as his large erect cock twitched.
--
The Hatter began to discuss "people" and events with the Hare that were completely foreign to Nicola. For her, this was just fine. She was already quite exhausted and growing tired of the surreal conversation with the Hatter. Besides, it was an opportunity to chill out with her empty-tea glass in hand.
Nicola was only half-listening to the strange conversation but took notice on those occasions that the Hatter became animated, angry, or generally quite Mad. Their conversation seemed to be encrypted in a conscious attempt that Nicola would not understand.
She heard things about a King, a Queen, the parliament, a strange group called anarchists. A machine. Converting men to animals. Drawings. Plans. A smart doctor. Orgasmus. They were all random words to Nicola. What did she care about the worries of the world of Hearts?
Some words resonated with her, such as the advancing troops. She thought about her home in Spades and war with Clubs. But her thoughts turned back to the Hare's large cock when they started to talk about neoliberalism, atheism, polymorphisms, homomorphisms, and lots of other "-isms" - mathematical or otherwise -- that she couldn't even pronounce.
But Nicola didn't care. She was generally content to simply daze out on the landscape of the moors and think about her present situation. She occasionally would steal another glance at the Hare's large cock. "How beautiful it is!" she kept on thinking. "Too bad he is a hare. Why can't I meet a handsome young man (with a cock like that), and not this Hare, here or there?"
At some moment during these banalities reverberating between the general vacancy between her ears during her chill-out, they suddenly turned to her as if expecting an answer.
"So then, would you be willing?" the Hatter asked her as if she had been privy to the conversation.
"Huh? Oh sorry. Willing for what?" Nicola responded, startled and taken off balance.
"To go on a trip, of course," the Hatter responded. "You silly, impetuous floozy of a girl."
"A trip?"
"Yes," the Hatter answered with growing impatience. "Yes, my Dear. A trip!"
Puzzled, Nicola shifted her gaze between the Hatter and the Hare.
"To the Castle of the King of Hearts, of course!"
(To be continued...)
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